Tuesday, 24 February 2009
Monday, 23 February 2009
A victim of sexual abuse shares the experience
I felt this comment deserved to be flagged as a separate article . Thank you for sending your story.
"these are not things that just happened recently...these things have been happening in, like, as long as 10 yrs ago, bt was never realized in the society. I knw this cux I hav had the unfortunate experience of this .
i am from a family hu is, lets say, from the middle class of the society. i know that my parents luv their kids alot. my father restricts us to go any where without a family member, let alone go to friends houses even - brothers cud go given that their friends are good kids - us girls cud only bring our friends to our place, v cannot go to theirs unless he gives his full approval, which is not a lot. we ver also nt allowed to interact with the opposite sex b4 v finish school. i now realize that they did that to only protect us from harm.but even then, i had a experience of that thing -molesting or sexual abuse or watver name u call it...only that i never knew that tym it was this.
No one knows about this, i never had the guts to tel ne1, i think thats why these boys also never came out with it, they mite not be having the 'guts' to tell. u c, i thought i did the right thing by nt teling then, i became adjusted to those memories for a while, but now, it has come to haunt me again. by not telling ne1, i had byn hiding a terrible secret , which i had always blamed on me.. i always think that it if werent for me, this wud never have happened.
Today I am seeing a psychologist because of the ‘after effects of this’. She is the first ever person I related it to. .. and this is the second *:D*.I guess I had always hidden from reality… but reading your post and the above comments, I wanted to share my story becuase i just want u guys to know that this 'plague' is not just for poor families, even the most richest and the protected ones cud face this too.
But now wat wud happen to them, I was fornunate to know wat I was going through, but wud it happen to them too??? My prayers are with those boys, even though they will have to live their whole lives by it, I hope that they learn to deal with it and that their parents are with them the whole way…."
I also would like to welcome others who may wish to publish their experiences in this blog to mail them to me. I beleive these case vignettes will provide deep insights and expose the evil that may be going on behind the closed doors in our society.
Make this blog yours to create awareness about such social problems by sharing these experiences. Thanks
"these are not things that just happened recently...these things have been happening in, like, as long as 10 yrs ago, bt was never realized in the society. I knw this cux I hav had the unfortunate experience of this .
i am from a family hu is, lets say, from the middle class of the society. i know that my parents luv their kids alot. my father restricts us to go any where without a family member, let alone go to friends houses even - brothers cud go given that their friends are good kids - us girls cud only bring our friends to our place, v cannot go to theirs unless he gives his full approval, which is not a lot. we ver also nt allowed to interact with the opposite sex b4 v finish school. i now realize that they did that to only protect us from harm.but even then, i had a experience of that thing -molesting or sexual abuse or watver name u call it...only that i never knew that tym it was this.
No one knows about this, i never had the guts to tel ne1, i think thats why these boys also never came out with it, they mite not be having the 'guts' to tell. u c, i thought i did the right thing by nt teling then, i became adjusted to those memories for a while, but now, it has come to haunt me again. by not telling ne1, i had byn hiding a terrible secret , which i had always blamed on me.. i always think that it if werent for me, this wud never have happened.
Today I am seeing a psychologist because of the ‘after effects of this’. She is the first ever person I related it to. .. and this is the second *:D*.I guess I had always hidden from reality… but reading your post and the above comments, I wanted to share my story becuase i just want u guys to know that this 'plague' is not just for poor families, even the most richest and the protected ones cud face this too.
But now wat wud happen to them, I was fornunate to know wat I was going through, but wud it happen to them too??? My prayers are with those boys, even though they will have to live their whole lives by it, I hope that they learn to deal with it and that their parents are with them the whole way…."
I also would like to welcome others who may wish to publish their experiences in this blog to mail them to me. I beleive these case vignettes will provide deep insights and expose the evil that may be going on behind the closed doors in our society.
Make this blog yours to create awareness about such social problems by sharing these experiences. Thanks
Thursday, 19 February 2009
A Vulture Molests our Children: The Discovery of a Paedophilia Ring stab the Hearts of Maldivians
In the past few years we have seen the emergence of democracy in this nation and we have seen political parties battle for power , we have seen street demonstrations and voices, silenced for generations, speak up for their rights. Yet, amidst all this we failed to see this one man, who was sitting in the heart of Maldives, abusing the most vulnerable and helpless children of our nation.
Bang on, he knew what the kids wanted, how to approach them and also how to keep it a secret for years. He dared to take advantage of a society whose social fabric was decaying. This man was abusing children as young as 10, possibly for years by ‘enticing them with money, video-games and alcohol’ and no one had a clue until now. The investigation of another crime led to something even more sinister.
So many questions are on our minds at this juncture. Who are these kids? Where were their parents? Were they not in school? Why is it that these kids did not speak up all these years? Was there no one they could take into confidence and disclose?Perhaps many people would like to know these answers, because these are just some of the questions that are chuckling at our conscience right now. But my question is, “Are we really surprised that things have come to this?”
Just for a moment, let us imagine the condition of many homes in Male’. How safe are they from vultures such as this man? Have you ever wondered about the number of kids who do not have enough living space inside their homes, that after returning from school, they are forced to spend the rest of the day playing on the streets?
Further, this is a society so greatly divided between the rich and poor, the gaps between the two are subtle but apparent. Some kids have Nintendo DS, Wii and PS3 play stations etc; and there are others whose parents slog between 2 or 3 jobs just to afford shelter and food for their kids.
And these kids are out on the streets, alone while the parents struggle between jobs. Perhaps, for many parents it is not possible to buy them those little goodies and gifts children often crave to have. So, this man had the audacity to identify vulnerable kids and offer them money and satiate their curiosity while he sexually molested them and introduced them to alcohol paving way for a lifetime of further abuse.
No one probably expected that the recent seizure of the alcohol shipment in the country will lead to the discovery of this paedophile ring, which as reported may be connected to international child pornography groups too.
Often in our society when an abuse case is reported, people like to point fingers at the parents and find fault with their parenting.
I think we must not do so this time. Let us behave differently this time, because it is perhaps time for us to take collective responsibility for failing to protect the future generations of this nation.
This is the country which united under ‘Wathan edhey gothah’ , a political awakening and fought to bring a new dawn of democracy to this nation.
The same country is now crying out for a wider social awakening which must aim to root out those structures which are destroying this society.
Those who are attempting to climb off the ladder of poverty and reach affluence by the sale of drugs, alcohol, by abuse of our children, must be brought to face justice and pay the price for committing such crimes. We must have zero tolerance towards criminals of any form, those who are leading such organised crimes and those who are doing their dirty work in the forefront must be exposed and given the necessary punishment as stated by the law.
At the same time we must use this moment to reflect on the social issues that challenge the country.
For how long will parents and children co-habit in 12’ by 8’ rooms, have the streets as their living rooms, beg for little luxuries of life and compromise their virtues and morals to exist competently with the rich and the affluent?
Money has been spent on campaigns in Maldives to protect children and their rights. Perhaps it is also time for those involved in these programs to once again question why this happened and implement mechanisms that will help protect our children from vultures such as this 38 year old criminal.
We failed this time, with these children but let us hope this does not happen again. Let us hope we can help these children to heal the deep stabs inflicted by this despicable man. The crime he committed against these 35 (or more!!) children has created a deep wound in our conscience and we must find the time and heart to think and act such that no person will ever dare do something of this nature ever again in our country.
Bang on, he knew what the kids wanted, how to approach them and also how to keep it a secret for years. He dared to take advantage of a society whose social fabric was decaying. This man was abusing children as young as 10, possibly for years by ‘enticing them with money, video-games and alcohol’ and no one had a clue until now. The investigation of another crime led to something even more sinister.
So many questions are on our minds at this juncture. Who are these kids? Where were their parents? Were they not in school? Why is it that these kids did not speak up all these years? Was there no one they could take into confidence and disclose?Perhaps many people would like to know these answers, because these are just some of the questions that are chuckling at our conscience right now. But my question is, “Are we really surprised that things have come to this?”
Just for a moment, let us imagine the condition of many homes in Male’. How safe are they from vultures such as this man? Have you ever wondered about the number of kids who do not have enough living space inside their homes, that after returning from school, they are forced to spend the rest of the day playing on the streets?
Further, this is a society so greatly divided between the rich and poor, the gaps between the two are subtle but apparent. Some kids have Nintendo DS, Wii and PS3 play stations etc; and there are others whose parents slog between 2 or 3 jobs just to afford shelter and food for their kids.
And these kids are out on the streets, alone while the parents struggle between jobs. Perhaps, for many parents it is not possible to buy them those little goodies and gifts children often crave to have. So, this man had the audacity to identify vulnerable kids and offer them money and satiate their curiosity while he sexually molested them and introduced them to alcohol paving way for a lifetime of further abuse.
No one probably expected that the recent seizure of the alcohol shipment in the country will lead to the discovery of this paedophile ring, which as reported may be connected to international child pornography groups too.
Often in our society when an abuse case is reported, people like to point fingers at the parents and find fault with their parenting.
I think we must not do so this time. Let us behave differently this time, because it is perhaps time for us to take collective responsibility for failing to protect the future generations of this nation.
This is the country which united under ‘Wathan edhey gothah’ , a political awakening and fought to bring a new dawn of democracy to this nation.
The same country is now crying out for a wider social awakening which must aim to root out those structures which are destroying this society.
Those who are attempting to climb off the ladder of poverty and reach affluence by the sale of drugs, alcohol, by abuse of our children, must be brought to face justice and pay the price for committing such crimes. We must have zero tolerance towards criminals of any form, those who are leading such organised crimes and those who are doing their dirty work in the forefront must be exposed and given the necessary punishment as stated by the law.
At the same time we must use this moment to reflect on the social issues that challenge the country.
For how long will parents and children co-habit in 12’ by 8’ rooms, have the streets as their living rooms, beg for little luxuries of life and compromise their virtues and morals to exist competently with the rich and the affluent?
Money has been spent on campaigns in Maldives to protect children and their rights. Perhaps it is also time for those involved in these programs to once again question why this happened and implement mechanisms that will help protect our children from vultures such as this 38 year old criminal.
We failed this time, with these children but let us hope this does not happen again. Let us hope we can help these children to heal the deep stabs inflicted by this despicable man. The crime he committed against these 35 (or more!!) children has created a deep wound in our conscience and we must find the time and heart to think and act such that no person will ever dare do something of this nature ever again in our country.
Brief but Unforgettable Interactions : The story of O
He sat on the water front with a fishing rod in hand. Eyes focused at the horizon, lost.
No one was near him.
I had observed him sitting at this same spot for 3 days and I have been on that island only for that many days. From morning to night, he just sat there; no one spoke to him or even went near him.
I asked some one about him and was told to leave him alone, that there was no need for me to interact with him. But, I am a curious person and I just had to know why he was such a reject of this society.
When I went close to him the first thing I noticed was the warts that were all over his body. I said a hello.
He greeted me with a smile which told me a thousand stories. This was a man in a great deal of pain, both physical and psychological.
I sat next to him. But he moved away almost in a reflex saying ,
“No, do not sit next to me, you may catch it….”
I asked, “Catch what?”
“I have a disease that bad people get”
I sat next to him and said,
“Such a disease does not exist and as far as I believe there are no bad people”
While looking at my direction he shifted the fishing rod. At that instance I noticed that he was in real pain, many of the warts were oozing and flies were sitting on the open wounds. He smiled again as he tried to chase away the flies.
“Everyone on this island knows that I am a bad person, a cursed person”
I just sat there looking at him, listening to him. I have already been able to figure out what disease he was probably suffering from and understood why he was saying what he was saying.
“I am just waiting for death now; you see I do not have the guts to kill myself. But the pain is so much that on some days I think I just cannot tolerate it any further”
I heard myself say,
“But you must be getting assistance from the government for your condition they must be supplying you with medication”
He fell silent again and looking away from me almost whispered,
“So you already know what disease I have, and you are still willing to speak to me’
He continued,
“Yes, I do receive medication but not enough, sometimes it does reach me regularly but I do not get enough medicines which can take away all the pain in my body, it is too much…now, since I am in the last stages….you know”
The man was breaking down.
I slowly touched him on the shoulder and this triggered the eruption of a volcano of emotions.
“Luckily, I had my own place on this island, but no one in my family lives with me but I have a sister who provides me with food which she leaves at my house every evening. But even they do not interact with me. If I catch a fish, I will take it home and that’s the only additional thing I can get to eat. Sometimes, I feel like smoking, so I collect the cigarette butts from the street and smoke them. This is my life”
I heard his story through sobs.
“As a teenager I went to Male’, and found a job in a nearby resort. I had many friends, I was earning well. I loved both boys and girls I had all sorts of fun, every thing you can imagine. Both with local girls and sometimes…you know…..”
I nodded again.
“I was with this woman from another country for a few years, we had fun, her friends and me, we all had fun…..and then after a few years I came to know that this lady had caught a disease and she warned me that I too may be infected. I tested and I tested positive for HIV. I thought I had my whole life ahead of me, that I will marry, have kids, have a life, but every thing got snatched away from me…the moment I held that piece of paper with positive scribbled over it. And now….I have full blown AIDS and I am dying…..I am dying……”.
I looked at him as he whispered pointing a finger at a group of youth who sat at a distance smoking.
“Can you see those guys over there? I see myself in them, all I wanted was to have fun, and have a good time and just enjoy life, just like them. I have told them my story, sometimes they feel sorry for me and even offer me some of the stuff they are using saying it will take away my pain, but I say No …now….but it is too late for me. And you know what the worst part is? This isolation from every one, that people move away from me when I walk close to them, it hurts…..”
“Those guys they have their entire lives in front of them, they don’t have a diagnosis like mine, when I see them blow it up in smoke I feel sad….everything is such a waste…but they must find out the reality of life by living through the hard times themselves…just as I do….”
The sun was going down now and I realized that I had sat next to him all evening listening.
I was touched by his story and this was also the first time I got to interact and speak with an HIV patient in the Maldives.
I asked him whether I could contact anyone and speak about getting more medication, may be a review…he shrugged me off saying,
“All the medicine in the world cannot make a difference to me now. If you want to do something for me, tell someone what happened to me….tell at least someone my story”
I nodded as I watched him walk away with his fishing rod.
He came without any bait and was walking away empty handed.
But between the sunrise and sunset of that day, he had lived a life time of pain and remorse.
No one was near him.
I had observed him sitting at this same spot for 3 days and I have been on that island only for that many days. From morning to night, he just sat there; no one spoke to him or even went near him.
I asked some one about him and was told to leave him alone, that there was no need for me to interact with him. But, I am a curious person and I just had to know why he was such a reject of this society.
When I went close to him the first thing I noticed was the warts that were all over his body. I said a hello.
He greeted me with a smile which told me a thousand stories. This was a man in a great deal of pain, both physical and psychological.
I sat next to him. But he moved away almost in a reflex saying ,
“No, do not sit next to me, you may catch it….”
I asked, “Catch what?”
“I have a disease that bad people get”
I sat next to him and said,
“Such a disease does not exist and as far as I believe there are no bad people”
While looking at my direction he shifted the fishing rod. At that instance I noticed that he was in real pain, many of the warts were oozing and flies were sitting on the open wounds. He smiled again as he tried to chase away the flies.
“Everyone on this island knows that I am a bad person, a cursed person”
I just sat there looking at him, listening to him. I have already been able to figure out what disease he was probably suffering from and understood why he was saying what he was saying.
“I am just waiting for death now; you see I do not have the guts to kill myself. But the pain is so much that on some days I think I just cannot tolerate it any further”
I heard myself say,
“But you must be getting assistance from the government for your condition they must be supplying you with medication”
He fell silent again and looking away from me almost whispered,
“So you already know what disease I have, and you are still willing to speak to me’
He continued,
“Yes, I do receive medication but not enough, sometimes it does reach me regularly but I do not get enough medicines which can take away all the pain in my body, it is too much…now, since I am in the last stages….you know”
The man was breaking down.
I slowly touched him on the shoulder and this triggered the eruption of a volcano of emotions.
“Luckily, I had my own place on this island, but no one in my family lives with me but I have a sister who provides me with food which she leaves at my house every evening. But even they do not interact with me. If I catch a fish, I will take it home and that’s the only additional thing I can get to eat. Sometimes, I feel like smoking, so I collect the cigarette butts from the street and smoke them. This is my life”
I heard his story through sobs.
“As a teenager I went to Male’, and found a job in a nearby resort. I had many friends, I was earning well. I loved both boys and girls I had all sorts of fun, every thing you can imagine. Both with local girls and sometimes…you know…..”
I nodded again.
“I was with this woman from another country for a few years, we had fun, her friends and me, we all had fun…..and then after a few years I came to know that this lady had caught a disease and she warned me that I too may be infected. I tested and I tested positive for HIV. I thought I had my whole life ahead of me, that I will marry, have kids, have a life, but every thing got snatched away from me…the moment I held that piece of paper with positive scribbled over it. And now….I have full blown AIDS and I am dying…..I am dying……”.
I looked at him as he whispered pointing a finger at a group of youth who sat at a distance smoking.
“Can you see those guys over there? I see myself in them, all I wanted was to have fun, and have a good time and just enjoy life, just like them. I have told them my story, sometimes they feel sorry for me and even offer me some of the stuff they are using saying it will take away my pain, but I say No …now….but it is too late for me. And you know what the worst part is? This isolation from every one, that people move away from me when I walk close to them, it hurts…..”
“Those guys they have their entire lives in front of them, they don’t have a diagnosis like mine, when I see them blow it up in smoke I feel sad….everything is such a waste…but they must find out the reality of life by living through the hard times themselves…just as I do….”
The sun was going down now and I realized that I had sat next to him all evening listening.
I was touched by his story and this was also the first time I got to interact and speak with an HIV patient in the Maldives.
I asked him whether I could contact anyone and speak about getting more medication, may be a review…he shrugged me off saying,
“All the medicine in the world cannot make a difference to me now. If you want to do something for me, tell someone what happened to me….tell at least someone my story”
I nodded as I watched him walk away with his fishing rod.
He came without any bait and was walking away empty handed.
But between the sunrise and sunset of that day, he had lived a life time of pain and remorse.
Tuesday, 17 February 2009
Brief but Unforgettable Interactions: The Story of N
I was approached by this woman in Seenu Hithadhoo and all she said to me before escorting me to her home was, “Please speak to my son and do something for him, he is not speaking to anyone, neither eating anything nor is he sleeping properly. I think he is very sick but he refuses to go to the doctor too”.
He was sitting all by himself, dirty, sad and dejected. I soon realized that he was also going through withdrawals.
He had no interest in interacting with me.
The lady who brought me to meet Mr. N, slowly touched his hand and said,
“Son, speak to her, tell her what is going on with you, she may be able to help you.”
Since I did not get a response from him, even after 15 minutes, I asked the mother to leave us alone and said I will speak to him alone.
I asked him when he had his last doze. I said that I could understand how difficult it must be for him to go through cold turkey all alone like this.
Suddenly, he lifted his head and looked at me. There were tears in his eyes. I nodded.
At 19 years of age he was just one of the many heroin addicts of Addu.
The first thing he said to me was,
‘I want to stop using drugs, I am so fed up’
I said he could volunteer to join the rehab and go through rehabilitation.
A slow smile spread across his worn out face when I said this.
I heard him say, “Whats the use? Do you think it will help me? I know what I need. I need something else, ….which neither you nor anyone else can give me.”
With these words he turned his head away from me and fell silent again.
I asked him after several minutes, “What is it that you need?”
He spoke without looking at me. “You saw my mum, she is old , my dad is old and ill but I can’t do anything to help them, you know, I was their dream , they sent me to Male’ when I was just a kid, for higher education, but I was not a bright kid, I failed in grade 8. I had nothing else to do. So my dad brought me back and for a person like me who failed in studies, there are no jobs here, there is no way I could get a job. So I just waste my time with friends here. Life has no meaning and then I got into drugs, there is excitement in using drugs; I belong with my friends who take me as one of them. But….I have been arrested, I have already gone through rehabilitation once, but I came back to the same vacuum, nothing to do here…. so I started using again. When my mother sees me using drugs, she cries all the time, my father too. I do not know what to do. I am so fed up. I want to stop, that’s why I have not used it for some time ….but its so difficult…and deep down I know I can’t hold on like this…and I am afraid that I will use again.”
He was sobbing.
I felt awful.
He just pointed out so many failings in our society. He just pointed out how we could not offer him an alternative form of education, maybe like vocational training, how we could not offer him the opportunity for employment in his home town, how he could not cope with life after returning home as a so called failure. He pointed out how his rehabilitation failed because it lacked a proper community based program which could have prepared him for some form of employment or other support networks, assisting him to stay off drugs.
I listened to everything he had to say, but could I offer him any real solutions?
I told him to stay in touch with me, to let me know how he was doing and that once he was feeling better we would draw up a plan on how he could develop himself.
He did contact, he did draw up that plan, and still struggles with the stigma of this addiction and cravings. He is in better shape now, but….. I wonder about the plight of the many young Maldivians who are going through similar experiences even right now.
If there comes a time when Vocational Institutes can be set up so these youth can learn an alternative trade and if resorts and other industries can be developed, where these young people can be occupied in meaningful jobs, perhaps it may help them to live a drug free life.
Hmmm.
He was sitting all by himself, dirty, sad and dejected. I soon realized that he was also going through withdrawals.
He had no interest in interacting with me.
The lady who brought me to meet Mr. N, slowly touched his hand and said,
“Son, speak to her, tell her what is going on with you, she may be able to help you.”
Since I did not get a response from him, even after 15 minutes, I asked the mother to leave us alone and said I will speak to him alone.
I asked him when he had his last doze. I said that I could understand how difficult it must be for him to go through cold turkey all alone like this.
Suddenly, he lifted his head and looked at me. There were tears in his eyes. I nodded.
At 19 years of age he was just one of the many heroin addicts of Addu.
The first thing he said to me was,
‘I want to stop using drugs, I am so fed up’
I said he could volunteer to join the rehab and go through rehabilitation.
A slow smile spread across his worn out face when I said this.
I heard him say, “Whats the use? Do you think it will help me? I know what I need. I need something else, ….which neither you nor anyone else can give me.”
With these words he turned his head away from me and fell silent again.
I asked him after several minutes, “What is it that you need?”
He spoke without looking at me. “You saw my mum, she is old , my dad is old and ill but I can’t do anything to help them, you know, I was their dream , they sent me to Male’ when I was just a kid, for higher education, but I was not a bright kid, I failed in grade 8. I had nothing else to do. So my dad brought me back and for a person like me who failed in studies, there are no jobs here, there is no way I could get a job. So I just waste my time with friends here. Life has no meaning and then I got into drugs, there is excitement in using drugs; I belong with my friends who take me as one of them. But….I have been arrested, I have already gone through rehabilitation once, but I came back to the same vacuum, nothing to do here…. so I started using again. When my mother sees me using drugs, she cries all the time, my father too. I do not know what to do. I am so fed up. I want to stop, that’s why I have not used it for some time ….but its so difficult…and deep down I know I can’t hold on like this…and I am afraid that I will use again.”
He was sobbing.
I felt awful.
He just pointed out so many failings in our society. He just pointed out how we could not offer him an alternative form of education, maybe like vocational training, how we could not offer him the opportunity for employment in his home town, how he could not cope with life after returning home as a so called failure. He pointed out how his rehabilitation failed because it lacked a proper community based program which could have prepared him for some form of employment or other support networks, assisting him to stay off drugs.
I listened to everything he had to say, but could I offer him any real solutions?
I told him to stay in touch with me, to let me know how he was doing and that once he was feeling better we would draw up a plan on how he could develop himself.
He did contact, he did draw up that plan, and still struggles with the stigma of this addiction and cravings. He is in better shape now, but….. I wonder about the plight of the many young Maldivians who are going through similar experiences even right now.
If there comes a time when Vocational Institutes can be set up so these youth can learn an alternative trade and if resorts and other industries can be developed, where these young people can be occupied in meaningful jobs, perhaps it may help them to live a drug free life.
Hmmm.
Monday, 16 February 2009
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