Some people still believed in walking that extra mile for the sake of another. I would have never met Master Y, if not for such a person.
I remember the day she walked into my clinic and told me, that this particular boy needed my help, but she was not in a position to offer me any money in return for my time or work, and said that his family was too poor to afford my sessions. She requested her visit to remain confidential.
Well. Behind her was this extraordinarily calm chap, not bothered about the interactions between us.
She told me about the problems Master Y suffered, and knew that I had to offer my help.
I could not promise that he would overcome the problems that were being reported, but I told this girl, that I would work on him and she need not to be bothered about the fees.
He had been flushing fish from the fish tank down the commode, had killed a cat, been catching and killing lizards and rats. If confronted about these behaviours he would not reply and chose to remain silent and he also had difficulty with sleep.
It took me time to build rapport with him and soon I started psychological testing. He was cooperative and during the phase of testing he narrated on how this small boy was being given pain 'down there' by an uncle and had even watched when uncle and aunt did things in the same room (as this was a single room unit) , and also when mummy went to work, uncle even brought his friends and they all did this thing together. He told me this little boy cannot do anything, because they were grown ups, and when he went to sleep he dreamt they were going to come and do the same to him. He did not wish mummy to know.
I left him in the play area during this phase with stuffed toys and he would meticulously tear the animals from the underside and re- stuff the same thing and put it back in the same spot. He would get so abosrbed in the task that he would be unaware of my presence.
My impression, as you may have all guessed by now was that this boy was living in an environment of continuous sexual abuse.
I was left with the task of informing the mother, who appeared to be the only support this boy had. In the presence of the lady who introduced me to Master Y, I narrated this to the mother, who did not wish the extended family to be harmed because of them, and in a way they survived under the mercy of these people. We emphasized the importance of reporting the incident to the necessary authorities and also the need to give her son a safe environment.
The mother was a teary eyed middle aged single woman, who was just literate and had moved to Male’ in the hope of giving her son a better life. She sobbed and broke down saying she just did not have enough money, that she loved her son dearly and would do anything to help him. She told us, that she worked as a ‘massakathu meeha’ and after she returned home she did the household chores for these people.
After much time and talk, she decided to move to another place and she also took a second job. Prior to making this decision, she spied on these people and was able to confirm the going ons.....but she chose not to inform the authorities, despite our repeated advise to do so.
I held my sessions with Master Y, phased at different levels over a long period.
He began to sleep well, he was studying well, he was behaving well, he was taking care of plants and now preferred to repair broken stuff instead.
That's when I had to close the clinic and leave the country.
I had visited Male’ last year and as I stood on Fareedhee Magu, I saw a lady hurrying towards me. Before I knew what was happening she was hugging me, sobbing, wiping her tears and saying,' thank you….my son is now earning, he has done a vocational training course and is earning enough to take care of both of us’
The lady was caressing my face, totally unaware that we were in the middle of the road and all she could say was thank you repeatedly.
But my mind was somewhere else; I felt someone else deserved this gratitude, someone who dared to approach another professional without feeling ashamed for requesting help despite possible disapproval from colleagues.
I will at this point admit that I needed supervision to handle Master Y and it took me at least 3 trips to my mentors in India to present his case and receive further inputs to continue therapy. There was no one in Maldives who could offer me such help.
Collaboration and teamwork among the few people who work in this field in our country is still very rare, and often even taking supervision or feedback from another is considered to be a failure and a 'not to be done thing'.
Note; I have been given permission by the concerned people to share these experiences.
4 comments:
A touching story. I too wanna thank u from the bottom of my heart for savn helping this poor boy.
So is their a real solution in our social syatem. COx we al r cramped in a small room.
Very touching.
It's frustrating too to know that these things really exist in this small society and it's more frustrating when we feel that we are helpless to correct these situations.
I have some relatives who suffered similar circumstances like this boy. These relatives are now grown up and some are married with children but I find some unusual traits in them and I wonder whether they are still psychologically affected. For instance, one of these relatives never wants to get married and says he never wants children as well. Another relative has a problem with socialising and is even afraid to talk to strangers or walk the streets alone. It's tragic really.
Thankyou all, your feedback is valued.
At one point in Male' at our clinic we ran free group therapy sessions for 'adult survivors of sexual abuse', the group had becme too big at one point with atleast 28 adults, who were reporting problems related to childhood sexual abuse. Due lack of time, lack of resources, lack of space for me or those who assisted me to conduct these sessions, we gradually stopped the sessions. There were too many people who were approaching for help, I could not chose one from the other..But we did continue to help a few at individual level and I had two counsellors who were trained to manage these groups, one of them is still in Maldives, and if you require the contact number you can mail me.But then, it is something else whether they will even wish to deal with it now....
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