I ran a small mental health clinic in a small corner of Male' between the period 2000-2005. One evening when I went to open the clinic I saw that the lock was smashed, but it was not completely broken. I looked around and saw about 11 boys standing a few metres from me and giggling at me.I smiled back at them .
It took me some time to get someone to come and replace the lock for me. The same thing happened the next day, and the next. On the fourth day , I was pretty sure about who was responsible for this so I went prepared. When I saw the lock, I just sat on the pavement, near the door and looked at the group of boys and smiled again. An hour passed, two hours passed, the boys meanwhile had stopped smiling and appeared anxious. I then walked up to them and said that I had a problem as someone was breaking my lock every day and the man who repairs it for me was not available and I had to see a really ill person within the next hour, I needed their help. As I spoke , all of them surrounded me eager to find out what I had to say. I asked them if anyone of them knew to break a lock , whether any one of them had the tools to break upon the lock so I could atleast open the door, I told them they were my last help. They looked at me as though I was crazy, but seing my helplessness one of the boys replied he knew how to break a lock but not to fix it. I said no problem , they can help me to break the lock. So they came with me upto the door and smashed the lock completely and well, I could open the door and enter. When I thanked them, none of them wanted to go away and instead were all standing near the door. So,I opened the door widely and told them to come inside and have a look at the place. These 13 to 15 year olds were surprised to see the big shelf of nearly a thousand books, my consultancy room full of toys, relaxing chair and other 'stupid things' inside.I took them around and told them what I did with them , what sort of work I did here , showed them what I had, the only valuable thing perhaps was the stetchoscope used by the psychiatrist who practiced in the same place.
I then told them that they were welcome to come inside if I was free. I also asked them what they did. They told me they were bad boys, they smoke and did other such bad things, they were suspended from school, they all had a wicked tale to tell, of how bad they were. I listened carefully and said, for me they were good boys because they helped me to get into my clinic. It was then that one of them said;' No one can ever touch your lock now, dont worry about that from now onwards'. And true to their word, nothing ever happened to the lock again, but something started to happen to that group. I realised that they looked forward to the times when I would be free and when I open the door. So I deliberately started to keep an hour aside to chat with them.
I will buy them coke, ask them to come inside and talk to me about themselves, about their dreams, about their future, about their parents hopes for them, about what they felt about the society at large, about crime in general, about the idea of using drugs, about being in jail, about having choices in life, about the freedoms we had to make these choices..about believing in self, in god...etc. They will sit and share with me...things probably they never thought anyone would ever ask....specially their dreams for themselves. I would ask them focussing on each person, what they were doing now to achieve their dreams and if they did not have any I will ask them to ask god to give them a dream that night which they could come back and share with me. Many times, they would say noone ever had any hopes for them, they were without a future, but I will ask the rest of the group to respond to that and fade out. Within days, all of them stopped smoking, and gradually one by one, took admission in private schools or started to talk to their parents about the possibilities of going back to school. Six months after...I never saw them in that corner. But....they will drop in to tell me....that they were doing something now to achieve their dreams. Today, I dont remember their names, but I do remember the faces and know....they are on their way to achieve those dreams..
BUT ...................as I look at the picture of the boy who is the suspected murderer of the last stab victim in Male', I wondered, if he was in that group....what would he have told me....what would have been his dream ??? Would he perhaps...have turned out differently? But unfortunately, I will never know...and now .it may be very late for him..
BUT..again..I will ask the reader to do a small task, take your eyes off the desktop and look out of your own windows and see those chaps who are loitering aimlessly?? Perhaps its not too late for them, perhaps it is you who will make the difference...to that person....perhaps?
7 comments:
what can a person do to help? there are addicts raising small babies out of wedlock in this country.a person is not taken to a rehab unless he willingly goes, and their even they get drugs.suppose if i want to help a baby like this, can u tell me what is it that im supposed to do ?? there is a place called male' hiya , toddlers and babies are taken there if the parents give them up , what if the drug addicted parents dont wanna give the baby ,so what? can u pls tell me what i can do to help this baby ?
thankyou.
some empathy and a listening ear will definitely take this society a loooong way. and i know we need that right now, more badly than ever. Not a person trained, but the general public with some empathy, and showing it!
just as i was reading this, i was wondering: Who listens to your tales? besides this blog, how do you let out? .. who asks what u want to do ..
rxs
When i completed my phil in clinical psychology , in 1999, I presented a paper at a conference in India, for young mental health professionals of India. In that I spoke about the findings of a study I did in 1996-1997 about psychological wellbeing of Maldivian high school students. The presentations before me was about huge disasters which killed many and how people in our field was contributing. But after I finished my small study, there was pindrop silence in the Audience, noone said a word for a few minutes.Finally , a mental health expert said, you have just given us the profile of a society in the tip of a psychological disaster, what ever that means and asked me the question u have just asked me now. I will repeat the same answer. My aim is to make a sand grain of difference to the country i love dearly, slowly the sand will accumulate to make the beach, a beautiful beach. I have faith in the will of the people who will work to prevent the country from any such disaster.
Thats all I have done till today and will continue to do. Make a difference in atleast one individuals life.
Anonymous,
It will be a miracle if i had a magic pill that will be the answer to your question. But your question /request has touched me with hope. To know that you exist mean a lot to me.I am sure there will be many more like you.
It is beyond the scope of this blog to give the answer, but you have my email address, write to me and together lets see whether we can work out anything, to help this baby.
thankyou
What a sweet-tragic story. What courage! What hope! This little story has – for us all. May Allah reward you for sharing this experience with us. Its almost as if we are at a loss of words to continue.
Very often its big problems, major problems that make us open our eyes. Look at this story from a different perspective. These 13-15 kids were on the wrong side of what we call the norms of society. They were still at the stage of delinquents. Your intervention – for that’s what it was, has obviously impacted on them. Was it sufficient to stave off disaster? Tragic and Painful for the reader. Much more it must be for you. May Allah Give you strength and hope.
There are 2 aspects to this tragic story.
1. A time of reflection and a time to take stock! Take these kids, who are seen as an aberration on the level of society, because they are causing distress and harm to society – perceived so because they refuse to adhere to the collective norms of society – be it in the way they consume, dress, or behave with respect to members of society.
2. A time of reflection on the members of society at large. Those people who are so swift and willing to pass judgement on these kids, what is their actual status? If you care to look carefully into their status, they are NO BETTER THAN THOSE KIDS. These members of society demonstrate the same degree, if not higher degree of disrespect and delinquency TO THE LIMITS IMPOSED ON THEM. Just like those hapless kids, the members of society are collectively as despicable as them kids, and as much reprehensible, if not more. The limits the kids broke are clear. So what are these limits that the society at large are guilty of breaking?
These limits are the limits set by their Creator. The members of this society IGNORE that the sole purpose of their creation is to worship He who created them. They with premeditated brashness reject the holy Koran and their Prophet’s instructions as to how to lead their lives. The consequences of their folly are not as easily seen as the result of the folly of the kids. Insidiously the ill effects accumulate and ultimately the results become too obvious to hide. Alcohol problems, AIDS problems, Family break-ups, Crime rates, Prostitution and other sexually transmitted diseases, homosexuality, poverty, delinquency, drug abuse, exploitation, etc. all becomes part of life.
In this case study there is NO PHYLOSOPHICAL QUESTIONS AS TO WHICH CAME FIRST – THE EGG OR THE CHICK. The problem of the kids is really due to a problem prevalent in the society at large; – THIS PROBLEM, which is the mother of all problems, IS THE REJECTION OF THE LAWS OF THE CREATOR. It’s to be noted that symptomatic treatment of a problem would bring only symptomatic relief. An etiological based treatment is the only hope of bringing about a lasting cure.
The proof of the pudding is in its eating. Observe the so-called developed world. Huge wealth, increasing standards of living coupled with technological advancement has failed to come to terms or offer solutions to the great problems facing mankind. Those of us living in these countries have to open any of the dailies or take stock of our own experiences in these countries to realize the rot that is eating away beneath the bright lights of a society of runaway consumption financed by ever-rising debts.
Crime rates, poverty in spite of wealth, prostitution, sex slavery, pornography, child abuse, pedophilia, wife beating, homosexuality, AIDS and other Sexually transmitted diseases, drug abuse, childhood pregnancies, runaway abortions, childhood delinquencies, school and college drop-outs, family break-ups, domestic violence, heart disease, liver disease, lung disease, autoimmune diseases, diabetes, obesity, and increasing levels of mental health problems all point to a society in crisis. Billions upon Billions of pounds are being spent with no appreciable statistical improvements of any of these problems. On the contrary some of these problems are indeed reaching epidemic proportions.
Experience has shown and is continuing to show that the Psychologists, the Psychiatrists, the health services, the Counselors, the social services - all of these professionals together with trillions of pounds total investment and countless man hours; with varying approaches and strategies hasn’t solved any of the problems listed above. The problem of drugs and related problems, seen in our case study continues to be as big a problem as it ever was in these beautiful alluring countries.
Are we then going to ape these tried, tested and failed strategies to solve our own problems?
My thesis is that these FAILIURES are due to the fact that the REAL PROBLEM LEADING TO THESE MULTIPLE PROBLEMS HAS NOT BEEN IDENTIFIED. Thus unless the ROOT cause of the problem is addressed, how can there be ANY hope of a solution to the problems? This may sound simplistic. The fact is that the problem is indeed SIMPLE – IT’S DUE TO THE WHOLE OR PART- REJECTION OF THE CREATORS LAWS designed by GOD for human beings.
This problem in Maldives is not going to be solved by rehab centers, and more and more people trained in the western experience. Such an attempt would meet with the identical failures seen in addressing these problems seen in those countries. The problems can only be solved by addressing the central issue – THAT IS BY LEADING ONE’S LIFE ACCORDING TO THE CREATORS LAWS DESIGNED FOR HUMAN BEINGS.
No doubt, the Psychologists, Psychiatrists, the Counselors, the support staff and the technologies all have their roles to play. What’s primordial is to keep in mind the ROOT problem, and design strategies using the tested methodologies learnt in the Universities and adapt them to our situation. Their observations, conclusions and strategies have got to be adapted to accord with the dictates of GOD’S LAW before their use to address our own problems. This is so because experience has shown that their approach has not worked for them. I say this because the drug problem and all those problems listed above remain urgent problems in those countries.
If we filter everything by our knowledge of Gods laws and obeying those laws, then the solutions to these socio-economic and mental problems would materialize. Probably society would go back to a future - :-) where family values are once again put into its rightful place, with the most important goal of the family and society being to bring up children who develop into adults who take great pleasure in answering God’s call to worship HIM only.
If this were done the child would grow up loving and respecting his parents, his relations, his neighbors, travelers, his guests, his acquaintances, strangers and even his enemies. He would not stop there he would love and respect animals, plants in short nature itself. Put in still another way he would be one with the whole universe bowed down to the Creators laws. All submitted to the LAWS OF GOD – as Muslims!
You may say this is a dream. If you care to stop and observe the situation prevalent right now in different societies, you would realize that they are all chasing dreams. Why not chase a dream that has a chance of brining solutions to all the maladies effecting societies in the four corners of the world?
Something in your post touched me. Thoughts I wouldn’t have ever dreamed of putting in black and white, I am putting across, in answer to your sincerity and your transparent hope for a better tomorrow. I too feel passionately for my country and specially the children so much in need of a change. Finally I got the courage to do my duty. May Allah Bless you. May Allah Bless the lost children of Maldives. Amen!
Im very touched by your story. You'v made a differnce. This country really needs people like you. Little things people take granted can make a huge difference. It doesnt take much help others lend an ear, give an opinion, give a shoulder to cry on. what we'v got to learn is little things does make a difference. But here just because one smiles people assumes they are having the time of thei lives. What they dont't bother to find out is behind the smile there might be a troubled person with suppressed feelings not knowing what the life would be like tommorrow. Not knowing is not an excuse. Othertimes when we do know about them try not to get into others business or we tend to give it up as a lost job. Sparing a little bit of your time to help is no big deal. I mean you saved three lives just by giving them an hour of your everyday. I understand it because i have been fortunate enough to meet a person (apart from you) who went out of his way to help me lending me an ear & so much more. He is a doctor & one would think thats their job but no, he was specialised in a total different area but he gave a close eye,& im a bit ok now. And all drug addicts are not the same there are many people out there who wants to stop it but who doesnt get a chance. Given the chance they might turn out differently. But who takes the trouble to find out? The three boys was lucky to find a person like you, you were able to save their day but there are so many others out there who needs it & you are also only one person. When you laugh the whole world laughs with you but when you cry you cry all alone.
By the way you might know me, we have met im hamyxas sister shaffu.
Well ur blog is GREAT!!!
I say this again.
THANKYOU!
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